Battling your inner Dementors and cultivating your Patronus.

Everybody has a power within, it's something that comes with the spirit, half of it maternal and half of it paternal; and with this spirit also comes the light and the dark. Some people feel the light more than the dark, however, I wanted to write a blog about those of us who have felt the darkness more than the light.

Darkness. What do I mean? That space that exists on the edge of death, the cousin to pain, the relative to the grim reaper. That dark space where it's just silent and still, but homely. Comfortable. If you've ever been friends with your darkness then you know what I'm talking about. However, at one point you'll decide that you don't want to be close friends with it anymore, in fact, you'd like to seek out a new friendship. The Light. Doing this isn't easy, it isn't simple and it's painful.

J.K Rowling in her interview with Oprah described what a dementor is  'It's that absence of feeling, it's even the absence of hope that you can feel better. It's not sadness; sadness is not a bad thing, to cry and to feel. However it's that cold absence of feeling, that really hollowed-out feeling that's what the dementors are.' from her imagination and her hurt and depression came a creature to perfectly describe the feeling of darkness.

In the Harry Potter series, there is only one spell that can drive back these creatures 'Expecto Patronum' also known as the Patronus charm which literally translates as 'I call a patron' or 'i await a guardian'. What I find so beautiful about this charm is its symbolism and how it highlights the key elements in fighting your inner dementors. Not only does it require you to use the strongest happiest memory you possess, but it also produces a guardian, your guardian. The one animal that is connected to the very soul of you, a guardian that defends against the cruelest of evil. This guardian is the protector of your happiness.


For those of us who are having a tough time, I wanted to share some personal tips I have used when I want to conjure and maintain a strong Patronus against my inner dementors.

1. Find out what makes you truly happy. Get a notepad or some spare paper and write down all the things that make you happy. I find this is the hardest thing you can ask yourself because a lot of the time we are consumed with thinking about the things that will sustain us and not necessarily the things that make us happy.

2. Make positivity habitual - Take the things that make you happy and practise them everyday, it's okay if you fall off for a couple of days because healing and happiness isn't linear, it fluctuates, but as long as you are actively cultivating these practices all the time and making them a healthy habit, then they will stick with you and change will occur within and without.

3. Don't compare yourself to others - Comparison of yourself to others is a painful way to live and you will never be satisfied with what you see in the mirror if you live that way. You were created as a single entity and therefore your individuality is what makes you unique. Your uniqueness (nerve and talent *laugh*) is the only thing that will ever matter, nobody will EVER compare to you, because you are made so singularly beautiful and special. There is no need to compare yourself to others because they will never be you, and you will never be them.

4. Be kind to yourself - Kindness to self is an imperative, showing kindness to yourself is the beginning of falling in true love with who you are. When you are kind, you are gentle, you are patient and you are forgiving. It's okay to encourage and push yourself, but don't force yourself with harshness. Incorporate your kindness with your willpower and you will drive yourself forward with a force you never knew you had. Remember it's stronger to love than to hate. If you find being kind to yourself difficult, start with listening to affirmations, listen to them at least once a day, this helps cultivate positivity of the mind. And also encourages gratitude of self.

5. Don't allow others to distract you from your happiness - It's easy to become distracted by others once we are on the path to happiness and healing, we have all this new energy and vitality. However, remember that you mustn't give too much of yourself to others when you're transitioning. This doesn't mean not being there for friends and family, it means not allowing others to drain you completely, keep some of your energy reserves for the healing of yourself. And if you are giving light to your friends and family, it is important to have practices in place that will charge you up again.

6. Dance it out - This one for me is pretty epic. I love to dance and I have such a deep connection with music. I live for music that lifts me up and makes me smile. Music is a powerful tool because there is always a song to match your mood, try to listen to music that makes you dance and feel happy. Feeling happy will release hormones to lift your mood. So dance it out!!! : ) Nevertheless, if you're feeling low it's okay to listen to songs that relate to your mood, this will help purge yourself of your sad feelings.

7. It's okay to put yourself first - It is not selfish to put yourself first, don't let people tell you that it is. Self preservation is the single most important aspect of life. Eating, sleeping, and drinking are all acts of self-preservation. Moreover, they are all acts of self-love as well, if you don't love and cultivate the happiness of self, how do you expect to gain it from another? Or even give it to another? So put your health and wellbeing first.

Lastly, find your patronous. Find that one animal or creature that is your guardian, the animal that will be the protector of your soul and your happiness. Once you find it, it will never leave you. Once you find it, you'll always have a way out of the darkness.

- Embroidered Skin